I’ve always been a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me, to think I’m nice despite the personal consequences. This has been exacerbated by my anxiety over many years and I’ve spent more time than I want to calculate stressing about what others think of me. But things are going to change.
Lately, I’ve been listening to many, many episodes of My Favourite Murder. This true crime podcast is hosted by two bad ass women who, as well as discussing some truly shocking murders, have imparted plenty of great life advice. One of my favourites is “fuck politeness”.
Georgia and Karen discussed this phrase once (possibly in their post-US election episode). It doesn’t mean you get to act like an arsehole to everyone. But, as one of the girls said, “don’t sacrifice yourself on the alter of politeness”. Don’t be nice to that creeper because you don’t want to be rude. Don’t do extra work for people because you want them to like you. It’s something boss babe Keltie Knight also spoke about on a recent LadyGang episode. Stop caring what other people think of you!
This is a constant struggle for me, but a battle which I am ever-so-slowly winning. Addressing my underlying anxiety has certainly helped, but I’ve also just decided to embrace the “fuck politeness” mantra. I don’t want to be someone people feel they can walk all over. I want real, honest relationships and I will always have a little worry about whether things are running smoothly, but I need to start believing that those who are meant to be in my life will be. And they’re not going to mind if I say ‘no’ to this dinner or that event because I have to put myself first.
Life is way too short to dedicate hours of your life to worrying about whether people like you. Stop caring. Stop giving those thoughts validation. You are who you are and not everyone is going to be a fan. But does that really matter? It shouldn’t. In case it wasn’t clear yet, “fuck politeness” is my new mirror message.